Dan Siegel uses the term “window of tolerance” as an analogy to describe how much people can tolerate. For instance, a good pediatric dentist has a wide window of tolerance for kicking and screaming. Monica, from the show Friends, has a small window of tolerance for dirt and disorganization. Some people have a narrow window of tolerance for noise, poor customer service, hot weather, or crowds. And others don’t seem to be bothered by these things much at all.
I find that my “windows of tolerance” aren’t fixed in stone. They shift. Some days my window is wide open-- I’m very tolerant. Other days—not so much. And I’m sure you may have days where you find your window slowly closing with each passing hour. By late afternoon, sometimes my windows seem painted shut. (Like today when I found a completely melted popsicle on top of a stack of books, and I had to leave the room to compose myself.)
Being aware of what we’re less tolerant of can empower us to push open our windows a little wider. And it can help us know ourselves a little better, so that we can take more preventative action. Or by taking measures to prevent putting ourselves in situations where we ask too much of ourselves—to tolerate more than we are capable of at the moment. Maybe we ought to cut ourselves some slack for doing an exhausting job as best we can.
How wide are your windows of tolerance when it comes to certain parenting situations?
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Great post. Sometimes I don't know that my window's open only a fraction of an inch, but other times I realize that I'm primed to explode. From now on, I'll be thinking about my window and try to remain more aware in those moments.
ReplyDeleteI love this analogy. When I think about my own family, I find that I have different window "sizes" for each of my children. That is probably something I should work on.
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